Here’s a transcript of GC telling the story of when he figured out who his high-profile neighbor is, probably the day she was carted off in an ambulance:

I just found out about 10 days ago that I must live 300 or 400 yards from Britney Spears. And I found out ’cause I came home at 10 at night and there’s all these helicopters over my house with these lights. I’d gone upstairs, and I came out and I’m in a robe. All of the sudden I see all this s*** going on.
I have a guest house where my assistant sometimes is, and I think, someone has broken out of prison and like escaped, because it’s a chase scene. It’s something out of Die Hard. I get my baseball bat, which is what you always get in every film–I actually think Clive Owen said, “Get a baseball bat”–and I called up my assistant, who I thought was in the guest house, and I said, “Are you OK?”
And she’s like, “Yes.”
And I said, “Look, if there’s someone in the place, say the word ‘Stonehenge’.”
And she’s like, “What the f*** are you talking about? I’m in my apartment.”
I go, “You’re not in the guesthouse?”
“No.”
So I’m, like, “Well, then, what the f*** is going on?” And I go out and I’m running around with a baseball bat in my robe. And it turns out it’s Britney Spears’ house is like, 300 yards from mine. So now I have to move.

As enticed as I am by the thought of good ‘ole Clooney running around in a robe, did he seriously think that asking someone who may be in danger to use “stonehenge” as a clue would be a good idea? Stonehenge?! “There’s a man with a gun to my head” might have been less obvious. And of course he thinks that all the ruckus is about an escaped criminal in a neighborhood where people like George Clooney and Britney Spears live, because that’s likely, and the only logical reaction is to act like you are, in fact, a made-up character in a movie where it is possible to drive your car into a flying helicopter. Rock on, celebrity sea donkeys!